having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
You need Xanax blowdarts
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
