i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Randomize
