this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize