are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
wow bdsm is so cute
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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