Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
