what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
