Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
