I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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