eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Randomize
