Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Randomize
