i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
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