What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
