So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
