i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
This couple is walking their pig around campus
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
