Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
