I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Randomize
