Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
My vagina is very pro this idea
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
