I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
there was a trapeze. enough said
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Randomize
