is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Randomize
