Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
