Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
