I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Randomize
