and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Randomize
