it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
