so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
