6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
