hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
