i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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