He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
