You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
