We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I believe in your delicious
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
