he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
