shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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