I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
