We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
