Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
worst night to have a conscience
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
