god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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