A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
