Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
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