Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize