My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
