He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
