He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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