one word: firstdatebathroomanal
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize