Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Randomize