just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
MIDGETS
????
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
