You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
