she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
