do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
