in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
