I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
