Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
