Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
