Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Are my feet made of real feet?
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
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