Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Randomize
