My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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