So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
My vagina just clenched in fear
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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