i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Randomize
