i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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