therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
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