Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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