You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
