Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
