how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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