i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
