ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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