so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
