she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
