Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
