Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
