Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
