Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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