ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Randomize