"it" just moved
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
